So I used to be a trial lawyer. And I was good. I won almost all of my cases as an assistant prosecutor, and I managed to finagle a ton of dismissals as a defense lawyer. That being said, the legal system is an adversarial system. So, I basically got paid to fight.
And I fought like hell. I wasn’t nice if you were on the other side. It wasn’t personal. It was strategy. I would talk bad about your case to your face. I would file a ton of motions, and when the other side wasn’t quick to comply- I’d ask for sanctions. I had a job to do, and by God, I was going to do it. It created a lot of enmity. There are attorneys in town who still curl up their lips when they see me, even though I’m all light and love now. . .:-)
But honestly, I’m not really all light and love now. There is a lot going on in the world, and in my life. And although my spiritual journey for a long time led me to be still, be patient, be quiet (that’s why I’ve been so quiet. . .spirit knows what’s up), I am also learning that there is a time to stand up. A time to be outraged. A time to be angry. A time to act. IT’S ALL ABOUT BALANCE.
There is this idea that in order to be spiritual, you must be completely imperturbable. Think of the image of the yogi, or sage quietly meditating, unbothered by the elements or hunger. We are constantly taught, and admonish ourselves to be positive, seek the light, be slow to anger, look for the best in others. . . you know what I mean.
My entire childhood Martin Luther King Jr. was placed before me as a paragon of virtue. Non-violence as a means of social change was the preferred method of protest. It didn’t matter that black people were completely brutalized, and continue to be, in fact, the brutality helped the cause, drawing attention to the fact that many Americans did not see black people as fully human.
I’m all for non-violence. But. I think sometimes. . . those on a spiritual path. . .or those, like me, who have a history of legitimate conflict with others, purposely avoid conflict and confronting things that are not right, in order to keep our “peace.” We feel as though humility and meekness rule the day. Meaning, we don’t stick up for ourselves when we need to, in an attempt to maintain the status quo. And we act as though every single situation requires the same, uniform response.
This is dangerous. Not only is pent up anger and frustration unhealthy, it can allow systemic problems to go unaddressed, and lead to more hurt and pain.
Sometimes, we continue relationships in an attempt to keep the peace. Yes. Sometimes we stay in bad marriages, jobs, living situations, friendships. . .because it’s easier to go along, and not say anything, than to speak our truth and do the hard thing of fighting for what’s right for ourselves.
And this is my point: If you are purposefully choosing “peace” in order to avoid dealing with a real problem. . . then you aren’t choosing peace. You’re choosing victimhood. You’re choosing to give away your power. You’re choosing to give away your voice. And you are likely setting an example for others who look up to you to do the same thing.
If you stay in an abusive relationship, or work environment what are you teaching your children? Your friends? Your family? That abuse is okay.
If you choose to remain friends with a racist person, and excuse their inexcusable language and behavior through whatever lens you choose, laughing past, or moving past their comments, what are you teaching that person? What are you showing the people who know you and know your affiliation with that person? That you are okay with racism. That you believe that prejudice is just fine. (Oh and. . I will judge the hell out of you and then be done with your trifling ass. Know that. Cuz. . . sometimes you gotta take a stand. . .and that’s mine. You can’t think I’m less than and still be my friend. period. and by me I mean people of color.)
If you allow people (friends/family/associates) to run all over you, filling your calendar with things that are important to them, but not necessarily important to you. . . then what are you sending out into the universe? That your time is not important. That your needs matter less than others.
Look y’all it’s about balance. You are ALLOWED to get MAD AS HELL when someone does something messed up. I’m sorry, but it’s not healthy to suppress your feelings, and we are making ourselves sick swallowing them. So, this month I’m writing about the GOOD FIGHT. Learning when to keep our peace and when to unleash hell, and how to move forward. You can feel all the feelings. . .all the anger and hurt and frustration. You MUST. But then, you gotta figure out what to do from there. How to address these issues and how to let go. . . How to fight THE GOOD FIGHT. . .
I’m sure I can’t be the only one who has experienced this. Drop me a note and let me know about your “good fights”. Let’s grow together.
Peace 🤗 and love ,